Today I am writing only to make reference to two very old blog entries which I have pulled, and the subsequent existential writer's head mush caused by that action. The entries are not controversial, embarrassing, nor do they contain anything that I would want to hide. I pulled them because my writer friends told me to -- they said someone would surely steal them.
"In Virginia's Room" and "A Novel" are the titles of my two works now under protection. I brought Virginia with me to the writers' group and it caused a wave of head nodding and womanly approval grunting to circle round the table. Then the women were astonished to find that I had it sitting out in the open, just waiting for its ideas (if not its prose, verbatim) to be snatched up and republished. Then they asked if I had any more "darlings" poised for pilfering. I have some fun ideas and interesting turns of phrase in many of my entries, but I could only think of one other that would have to be removed immediately.
That night, in a panic, I put the entries in the vault. "Virginia" may be a real essay of criticism someday. In fact, I plan on making that happen, even if I have to wait for grad school to find the right moment in my reading, or to master the right words for expressing ideas in a sequence and style worthy of publishing on real paper.
"A Novel" is something I'd love to submit to a magazine, once I figure out which one. I think my non-intellectual article writing voice, the irreverent, funny one, is ready to see some ink and aqueous coating. Maybe even be paired with some of those bad magazine paintings, you know the ones with bright colors and pensive near-stick figures in striped shirts, or a stick-tree on a hill surrounded by dot-flowers. Hmm. Maybe they'll let me paint my own.
Of course I write a few good things every semester that I would not leave out for public viewing. But these goodies are usually in the form of critical papers and poems, and sometimes "articles" for my own tension relief or to create a private forum for complaints. The good stuff is not usually in the form of electronic ramblings.
It comes to me now that the two entries that came out yankworthy had extensive notes as their origin. Perhaps that should be my new rule of thumb. If I research something beyond Wiki, if I have more than two pages of notes on it with paragraphs already composed, perhaps I should aim it at a word processor, not a blog publisher. I'll "publish" it on my own paper, only for the eyes of a helpful professor or for those of the women's writers group.
I was planning to write about Harold Bloom today. He is a critic whom I earnestly appreciate, but who sometimes makes me cringe and cry out in protest. That entry was slated to be titled "Harold Bloomin' Onion." Might have to change the title if I intend to make it scholarly.
I think my problem lies in my being a "humorist" and an intellectual at the same time. I wish the two parts of the mind had a place to be published together. That's partly why I created this blog. But now that I've produced some creative criticism (that's what I call it) worth reading, where can I put it but "in the vault"?
Maybe when I get my license to write (the M.A. as it is called in the business) I can attempt to start some sort of criticism publication that has the enjoyment of reading as its background -- and not a frightening flow-chart of theory or a solemn duty to that monolith "history."
I think even old disagreeable Bloom would approve of that. But probably not of being compared to a menu item at a theme-restaurant.